As a card-carrying Jew (or however President Donald Trump ultimately decides to update the yellow Holocaust badge), I knew better than to expect a visit from Jolly Old St. Nick today. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t keep the SiriusXM Holiday Traditions channel (73) programmed into my car, plus a Christmas wish list on file, just in case, that includes:
A long winter’s nap cuddled up on Goldie Hawn’s lips and Kurt Russell’s beard.
A real diner with a ridiculously large yet reasonably priced menu available every day at all (or many) hours.
Mike Pence accidentally taking a steam in the Aspen Recreation Center during Gay Ski Week in January. Just ’cause.
An ordinance permitting everyone who lives within a half-mile of major home projects to a private tour of the final product. If you have to suffer through a neighbor’s yearslong construction odyssey, you should be entitled to a caprese skewer and plastic cup of wine along with a chance to silently judge near-strangers for spending how much?! on a pedestal soaking tub.
A community bear hug for Aspen Elementary School second-grade teacher Nikki Dorr and counselor Amy Showers, both of whom volunteered to bring the it’ll-renew-your-faith-in-humanity national nonprofit Girls on the Run to third- and fourth-grade girls at AES this fall.
The Highwomen album on a continuous loop.
An affordable airfare out of Aspen, even just once a year. Direct flight preferred, but not required.
More civic and business leaders and elected officials following Pitkin County Commissioner Kelly McNicholas Kury’s lead in fighting unapologetically for adequate paid family leave.
Prominent signs (or, at this point, any signs at all) around the Aspen School District campus that clearly indicate to people who require handicap access where and how, exactly, it can be accessed.
A free-market home for Lee Mulcahy.
More thoughtful snowplowing (perhaps the middle of the block is a better choice for a mountain of snow rather than exactly where drivers need to look both ways but can’t due to the mountains of snow piled to their left and right).
Heated sidewalks, everywhere.
Spring. (Not now, but, you know, in the springtime.)
For Bernie, Bloomberg and Biden to go bye-bye.
An e-bike, Apple watch, new skis and peace on Earth (or at least peace between my daughters, who are sharing a room while their big brother is home over winter break).
Mariah Carey performing “All I Want for Christmas” during her annual upstairs-at-Carl’s Christmas-Eve shopping spree.
An LSU victory over Oklahoma (Merry Christm-eaux-as, Ricky).
… and the Saints in the Super Bowl.
Fewer complaints about Aspen’s traffic problems, because even though it’s Aspen, you can’t have everything. (And yes, that means you.)
The usual: vote; support local journalism; be kind(er) to yourself and others; don’t feed the wildlife; sober drivers on icy roads; parents who keep a close eye on their kids’ shitty behavior toward other kids; and tip your servers (and drivers, porters, ski instructors, private chefs, and pretty much everyone else working this holiday so you don’t have to).
More at MeredithCarroll.com and on Twitter @MCCarroll.